First and foremost, I want to sincerely thank Disney and That Hashtag Show for the opportunity to attend the Press Screening of Mary Poppins Returns. It’s intriguing that Disney would make the decision to make a direct sequel to the 1964 classic film that is honestly irreplaceable. Regardless of your personal feelings for Mary Poppins or even whether or not you like musicals, there’s no denying its place in film and pop culture history. Young Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke have chemistry, singing, and dancing abilities that just defy reason and segue directly into the realm of magic.
Which makes it even more bold that Disney would even attempt Mary Poppins Returns fifty-four years later.
Despite its clear effort (and astounding looking environments), Mary Poppins Returns is not a good film. While watching the piece, which truthfully ran too long for my liking, the same words replayed in my head over and over again on loop:
Trite Fan Fiction with a Budget.
Because good lord, budget indeed.
In all seriousness—there is actually quite a good chase scene in the China Bowl scene where a villainous cartoon character, a caricature of the bank’s chairman and his two henchmen kidnap Georgie. Annabel and John go after them to save their brother while Mary and Jack are doing their sing and dance thing on stage with a bunch of penguins. This moment is actually tense and exciting. It makes you wonder if there are any stakes in this weird world that Mary drags the children into. That perhaps her carelessness is not always such a good idea. Alas—nope. She’s practically perfect in every way and she makes zero wrong decisions.
Ever.
There’s a scene at the end where Jane and Michael need more time to get the banking certificates over to the weaselly bank chairman in order to save their home. Therefore, Jack and his lamp lighting crew haul tush over to Big Ben to literally turn back the clock. It’s this big, tense moment with Jack climbing the clock. He’s nearing the minute hands, he’s almost got it, he can’t, and…Mary Poppins flies up with her umbrella and pulls back the minute hand. Like really…she could have just done that the whole entire time?
And eventually, at the end, after the big climax scene where Jane and Michael get the proper documents to the bank chairman and he still says he’s taking their home, Dick Van Dyke comes in and says they get to keep their home. Not only do they get to keep their home, but George Banks had enough stocks and funds and other goodies in the bank that their whole loan is paid off. That’s it! The end. Not only is their problem solved, but like, they basically won the lottery. It’s completely too much. And finally, everyone in the movie takes flight holding balloons. It takes ‘Let’s Fly a Kite’ to a new level and everyone gets to fly themselves. Of course, they ensure to point out that none of the adults will remember in the morning. Except Jack. He’ll continue to be privy along with his forced relationship with Jane Banks.
And exhale. We made it through. You may say I’m overextending, and that’s okay. You might tell me it’s just a kid’s movie and I should really just relax. You may very well have a good point. But you know what? I truthfully don’t even see who this movie is geared toward. It’s a family movie; that’s the skin it is wearing. But what’s left after that? I don’t feel it would appeal to children today and it doesn’t quite hit the ‘fan service’ notes to appeal to hardcore fans of the original Mary Poppins movie. If someone took the scraps of Peter Pan and Robin Hood, sewed them together, then stretched a rubber Julie Andrews mask over this new Frankenstein Monster’s head, the result would be Mary Poppins Returns.
Take that visual as you will.
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